Gunpowder Grotto

My entire view of the world has been shot

2006-11-09T08:18:00.000-08:00

No, I'm not talking about the election results, but something much, much more serious. You see, the other day I was on my way to college, but I had to stop by Target (a Wal-Mart type store for those of you who don't know what it is. If you don't know what Wal-Mart is, you suck) in order to get some supplies. Whilst running around and grabbing everything I need in less than 3 minutes because I'm a guy and guys are naturally superior when it comes to speed shopping (no offense ladies, you still kick our asses when it comes to grabbing the RIGHT things), I decided to quickly stop by the electronics department, because yesterday was the release date for Final Fantasy V Advance for the Game Boy Advance. Bought the first copy of the day (everyone's too busy buying Gears of War, said the clerk), and played it during my break at college. And, as with any Final Fantasy game, it's awsome.

Now, here's the problem. I picked it up this morning to play, and was having a good time. However, before I go on, I feel like I should explain something to anyone of my 2 or 3 readers that don't know that much about video games. You see, it is the law of videogamedome that any enemy that is classified as "undead", such as a zombie, ghost, skeleton, etc., is very weak against fire attacks. Well, as I was playing in the Fire Ship, I ran into an enemy called Poltergeist. Judging by it's name, appearance, and variety of attacks, I concluded that it is an undead enemy. So, I did what any video game veteran would do: use my fire spell and fry the sucker. But, to my surprise, nothing happened. I tried again, and got the same result. Later, after I'd killed the thing by cutting it up into a million pieces with my mythril swords and daggers, I went into my Bestiary to investigate, and do you know what I found? The Poltergeist is IMMUNE TO FIRE ATTACKS! Not resistant, but fully immune.

The Final Fantasy series, which virtually invented how an RPG is supposed to play, has shattered one of gaming's most sacred rules of battle. I don't know what to do. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHAT DO I DO?!

Because I was asked...

2006-10-26T13:03:00.000-07:00

...The correct answer to the question "How many people would it take to push over the Empire State Building if it were full of badgers?" is the following:

None.

The reason behind this is because of the violent and destructive nature of badgers. These little devils will tear apart anything in their path. So, by filling the Empire State Building with them, they will devour (metaphorically) the building from the inside out, thus causing it to collapse under it's own weight without the help of anyone pushing it from the outside.

Hope this helps, Cat.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

2006-09-14T08:16:00.000-07:00

Today is Harvey's birthday. And, like a good son, I forgot to get him a gift. So, let's see what I can dig up. OH! I know! First, something that isn't part of the theme, but just a gift I think my blogfather would like, The Alphabet of Manliness. Written by Maddox, the epitome of manliness, this sacred bible contains everything there is to know about being a man: Kicking asses, beef jerky, pirates, urinal etiquette, hot sauce, metal music, and Chuck Norris.

Now, about this theme of being "blue". Hmm, well, I GOT IT!!!! The word "blue" starts with the letter "B", so how about Confessions of a B-Movie Actor by "B"ruce Campbell? IT'S PERFECT!

Happy birthday, Harvey. I hope that this year will be (insert something corny and inspirational here)!

Rhode Island, what the hell is wrong with you?

2006-09-13T18:33:00.000-07:00

Okay, can someone please explain to me why Republicans voted for Lincoln Chafee in the primaries? When has this guy ever been Republican? The answer: HE HASN'T! What kind of poorly informed Republicans voted for this guy?! I mean, sure his opponent had a funny name, but so what? Bush has a funny name, and he became President!

The Zwitter Challenge

2006-09-13T18:27:00.000-07:00

Hey kids! Here's a fun new game for you to play. Go to iTunes, download the song Zwitter by Rammstein, listen to it, and play it for your wife (or husband), and then play it for all your friends. The catch? You cannot look up the lyrics, or even the meaning of the word "zwitter" until after you've played it for everyone, and you've told them how to spell "zwitter" and tell them to go look it up themselves. Think you can do it?

GO!!!!

Update: Welcome Bad Example readers!

You know,

2006-09-13T18:17:00.000-07:00

if they'd just kept their big mouths shut, I'd never know that Borat even existed. I'd also not know that he's really funny, and thus wouldn't be promoting him on my blog like this. Granted nobody reads my crap, so maybe the glorious nation of Kazakstan will be safe.

MY BLOG!!!

2006-09-13T18:02:00.000-07:00

Don't you hate it when you have something going on, then something comes up and you forget about what you had going on? Yeah, that happened.

...Again...

Irony's a bitch, ain't it, you racist scum?

2006-07-18T07:57:00.000-07:00

So I got up, and checked my e-mail, and saw that I'd gotten a letter from my dear friend, Catherine. Have a look:

This scene took place on a BA flight between Johannesburg, South Africa &
London. A white woman, about 50 years old, was seated next to a black man. Very
disturbed by this, she called the air hostess. "You obviously do not see it
then?" she asked. "You placed me next to a black man. I did not
agree to sit next to someone from such a repugnant group. Give me an
alternative seat." "Be calm please," the hostess replied. "Almost all the
places on this flight are taken. I will go to see if another place is
available." The hostess went away & then came back a few minutes later.
"Madam, just as I thought, there are no other available seats in Economy Class.I
spoke to the captain & he informed me that there is also no seat in Business
Class. All the same, we still have one place in First Class." Before
the woman could say anything, the hostess continued. "It is not usual for
our company to permit someone from Economy Class to sit in First
Class. However, given the circumstances, the captain feels that it
would be scandalous to make someone sit next to someone so disgusting." She
turned to the black guy, & said, "Therefore, Sir, if you would like to,
please collect your hand luggage, a seat awaits you in First Class." At that
moment, the other passengers, who'd been shocked by what they had just
witnessed, stood up & applauded. This is a true story. If you are against
racism, please copy and paste this email and send to all your friends. WELL
DONE, British Airways!

*Waits for applause to die down*
Well, I don't know about you, but if this turns out to be as true as I pray it is, then I'm going to be using British Airways quite often. If I need a trip to Great Britain, that is...

A really bad idea for a cartoon to live action movie...

2006-07-17T08:18:00.000-07:00

...but if it's as good as the teaser trailer made it out to be, I may just have to go see it.

Dumpster Diving

2006-06-28T07:42:00.000-07:00

Here's an interesting little story that happened to me:

So, to start off, I was at a..."social gathering"...and after the "social gathering" was over, one of the people there and myself decided to stay behind and perform cleanup crew duties and take all of the garbage to the dumpster outside.

Well, I grabbed a couple bags of garbage, went down the building, and outside to the dumpster. I took all the garbage and threw it in, and was on my way back up to get some more. But I didn't, because something caught my eye. It was a large cardboard box that was opened, and inside it, were stacks upon stacks of old cassette tapes.

Now, I realize that cassette tapes are dead technology, but this was different. Thfere were tapes of Motley Crue, Bon Jovi, Michael Jackson (when he was black, and good), Whitesnake, Guns n Roses, AC/DC, Foreigner, Poison, Elton John, and even two comedy performances (Bill Cosby and Eddie Murphy).

Naturally, as you can guess, I grabbed a crapload of them. Sure, they smelled a little ripe, but since they were all in their cases, the tapes themselves were unharmed.

...STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!

Fine

2006-06-28T07:15:00.000-07:00

I've been asked to post about how this dog named George is supposed to be the president of the world. Well, he is. There, I said it.

Something else that shouldn't go together, but does

2006-06-28T06:56:00.000-07:00

A while ago, I started telling you the story of Hellsing, which combines Nazis and vampires in the same comic plot. Needless to say, that sounds like one of the stupidest things imaginable. Yet, for some strange reason, it all works out very nicely. It is this strange combination of A and 1 (hmm, A1 sauce...) that has brought me to you (all 3 of you) here once again.

First off, have any of you ever heard of a video game series called Final Fantasy? It is this series of games that are RPG in format (meaning, you and your team stand there, select an attack, then they attack the enemies) that, even though it's supposed to be "Final" Fantasy, has I'd have to say over 20 games (most redundant title for a game ever? Final Fantasy 10, part 2).

Now, there is another game series that is out there, called Kingdom Hearts. It's by the people who made Final Fantasy, and has all of the trademarks of their previous games (large, overrarching story, teams of 3 different characters fighting together, really unusual hair styles (like everything else Japanese), and a tale of love and selfless sacrifice. Oh, and the combat is real time instead of that "stand and wait" kind I described).

Here's the kicker, though: It's Disney. That's right. The characters, worlds, and subplots are all Disney. Yes, you will be going to the city of Agrabah and fighting a stickman named Jaffar with the help of Aladdin. Yes, you will be going to the African saharah and helping a lion named Simba reclaim his royal heritage from his evil uncle, Scar. Yes, you will be going to ancient China and helping a girl named Mulan and her annoying dragon friend defeat an army of Huns.

Sound freaking insane? It does. Something you should play? Very much so. I can't explain it. For some reason, a game that puts you in the shoes of a kid named Sora battling along with Donald and Goofy makes for a very good game. Don't believe me? Give it a try and then see if you can tell me that this was a bad idea. I dare you.

So...pissed off...part 3

2006-06-28T06:53:00.000-07:00

Alright, so I'm sitting here at my computer, reading some random stuff on the internet, while drinking some coffee and eating my Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal. Suddenly, I notice something in my Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal. That something looks like a little black bead. That little black bead turns out to be an ant that drowned in the milk. That ant was not alone. That is why the state will never let me buy a gun.

HOLY CRAP!....I HAVE A BLOG!!!!!

2006-06-28T06:20:00.000-07:00

Wow, has it really been over a month since I've updated this relic? Wow. Just, wow. I guess I have some explaining to do, don't I? Well, I just graduated from high school, but that's not why I've been gone. The reason, is because my dad decided to get me a graduation gift: an Xbox 360.

...Why yes, I am a spoiled brat, and why yes, I do realize that very soon reality is going to tear my ass a new one. The contract I have with my dad states that after he's spoiled me rotten, he will guarantee that this will happen. But I digress.

So I got an Xbox 360. I didn't get any games for it, so I had to go and buy my own (see? It's starting already). What game did I get, you ask? Why, I got Oblivion.

...Why yes, I am a total geek.

So yes, I have been playing a video game this whole time. Now, if you'll excuse me, the land of Tamriel isn't going to save itself.

So...pissed off...part 2...

2006-05-20T18:30:00.000-07:00

So, a while ago, my little sister got the game Kingdom Hearts 2. First off, I just want to state that although it revolves around Disney characters, it is an awsome game. Well, even though it is her game, she has said that I can play it.
Now, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that a 19 year-old who grew up playing video games is going to be much better at them than his 8 year-old sister. That's where the problem comes in. Because I'm so good, I've gotten to the final boss before her (on my file. We each have our own game files, and we never touch the other's). What's wrong with that, you say? It appears that my sister has watched me play in an effort to make herself a better player. However, because she's watched me, she knows some plot points (of course, she still doesn't know that Roxas is *spoiler deleted*, that after the final battle with Ansem in the last game Riku *spoiler deleted* and then *spoiler deleted*). Yet, these plot points that she knows are in fact the plot points of Disney movies (you'd have to play the game to understand).
In the end, she's decided that she needs to tell my mom (little whiny tattle-tale), who has in turn decided that what I did to my sister (play the game so that she knows the plot to the movies Beauty & the Beast, Aladdin, Mulan, Hercules, Tron, The Nightmare Before Christmas, and Lion King), I now owe my sister a new video game. And, since I don't have any money to buy a new game for her, I have to work it off all day tomorrow.
Now, what is a wholly inappropriate thing that I can post to make every reader lose sympathy for me because I'm so pissed off? Wait, I know.
Oh, she'll get a game, alright. I'll get her Clock Tower 3. If anyone here's played that game, I'm sure you know what scene I'm talking about. For those of you who haven't, let me give you a hint: It involves a little British girl (not you, Cat), a serial killer, and a giant, blood-stained sledgehammer. Figure out what happens yourself.

My very first Precision Guided Humor Assignment (here, anyways)

2006-05-18T07:54:00.000-07:00

A Precision Guided Humor Assignment

Wow. After several comment box abuses, I have at last obtained a blog on which I can post these little gems of funny. This is the reason Harvey continuously used his valuable time to give me a swift kick in the ass to get me to start a blog. Well, here it goes.

Well what do you know? It seems that Iran is still being a little baby and continues to reject all of our kind requests to stop f***ing with us. They still have a nuclear program and show no signs of stopping. Now it's up to us to figure out a plan to put an end to this whole ordeal. So, as it is my self-proclaimed specialty, I will now consult my family on the issue:

Father: Can't you see that I'm a little busy at the moment? (He is in the hospital having surgery after a heart attack. Please keep him in your prayers. This should be in a separate post, but I'm not that worried about it and don't feel like it's necessary)

Mother: What have I said about the home? You want an answer, if Ahmadinejad doesn't cut it out, I'll go over there and drag him to the home myself!

Sister Lily: I'll draw a picture for him, and you steal them when he's not looking!

Cousin Christopher: A nuclear powered car would be awsome. Think he'll lend me some?

Cousin Stephanie: Iran's a dumb country. Why should we give a crap about a country that outlaws martinis?

Aunt Mary: I don't need these crutches anymore. You can use them to beat the s*** out of him if you want.

Uncle Dave: Let them make their nukes. It gives me an excuse to teach those Commies a lesson for what they did to my finger in Vietnam! What, they're NOT Commies? No matter, they'll pay for my finger anyways.

Grandma Maggie: Oh, don't worry about them using any nukes. I'm sure they're not that stupid. Even if they do, I'll just snipe them out of the sky. Problem solved!

Uncle Mike: Sorry, but I have to study for my mechanics test. Take this kodachi (short katana) I made in my spare time and knock yourself out.

Puppy Link: arfarfarfinfiltratearfarfarf!

Puppy Lucy: arfarfarfassassinatearfarfarf!

GF Cat: Not now. I need to find Hellsing volume 2 before I can do anything else. When I'm done, though, I'll show them my scissoring skills. That should scare them good.

So there's my list. This is the Wandering Gunslinger, signing off, with hopes that next time, I'll come up with something a little more creative than a crappy list. Again.

P.S. MAKE A $(*&*Y&*$&% FEAR THE 'STACHE T-SHIRT!

That essay I was talking about

2006-05-16T07:48:00.000-07:00

Well, due to popular demand (aka one person, aka Harvey), I have decided to post the essay I wrote for my AP Economics class on how to combat the war on drugs that my teacher thought was good enough to submit to the Federal Reserve for an essay contest they were having. I titled it "How to win the war on drugs and still get to burn things":

Our government’s efforts to try and destroy the market for illegal substances are ineffective and a waste of the tax-payer’s money. While it is true that the average person will not be bothered by the externalities of the use of drugs, the market itself has grown as a result of our anti-drug legislation and politicians who are only influenced by money (though you can’t really blame them. I mean, who doesn’t like having lots of money?) By looking from an economic perspective, however, it is possible to find a better way to limit the sales of illegal drugs in this country that gives us more cash to burn.
Some guy, I don’t know who (nor do I care to find out), once said that all humans are basically good. To this, I have two words to say: Bull shit. Humans are only animals, and as such, will only follow their natural instincts, regardless of if it’s good or bad. If you take a person and put him in front of a bunch of buttons, which one do they think of pressing first? In almost every instance, they will immediately look right at the big, red button that’s labeled “Do not push!” Whether or not this has to do with the button being big and red, I do not know. The main reason people reach for that button is because they are told not to push it. People are intrigued by the unknown, and forbidding the unknown only fuels their curiosity. Illegal drugs are no different than a big, red button labeled “Do not push!” By telling people that they cannot use illegal drugs, their very nature compels them to light up. Or inject, inhale, snort, swallow, or whatever the hell kids do these days.
The laws of supply and demand can be used to better explain how the war on drugs has made the drug market stronger. According to the philosophy of the government, making drugs illegal and destroying existing supplies by setting drug crops on fire will shift the supply curve to the left, making quantities lower than and prices higher than equilibrium, and they are correct. By making drugs illegal and destroying the crops used to produce them, they are shifting the supply curve to the left. However, they forgot to take into account how people react when the supply curve is shifted as a result of anti-supply legislation. Since it is in human nature to desire the forbidden, the demand curve for illegal drugs will shift to the right. Also, because of the high price of every single unit of illegal drugs, people are more inclined to try and produce it themselves since they only have to produce a small amount to make a large profit. In the end, the government’s current method of curbing the drug market has only succeeded in increasing its size. Then, there’s also the issue of how this is draining the economy and causing an overflow in our prison system, but I don’t feel like going into that at the moment.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I agree that drugs are something that our society is much better off not having to deal with. As such, it is important that we find some way to lower the market for drugs. For one method, we can look at the television show South Park. No, you didn’t read that wrong, I am using the show South Park to make my case (look, it’s this or another reference to setting things on fire). In the episode titled “Trapper Keeper”, Cartman gets a new trapper keeper and won’t let anyone touch it. In order to discourage the other kids from trying to touch it, he tells them that “big metal spikes will come out and pierce their hands”. After Cartman tells them this, Kyle says that he thinks Cartman is lying and still wants to touch the trapper keeper. Cartman then responds by saying that he’ll let Kyle touch it, which results in making Kyle nervous and not want to touch it anymore. What Cartman did is an effective technique that our government can utilize in it’s efforts to combat drug sales. By warning people of the side effects, then giving them to opportunity to try them, while arguably hypocritical, will eventually lower the demand curve and the amount of drug users in our society.
Of course, finding a way to lower the supply curve would also harm the market for drugs. Already, the government does this by raiding and destroying large farms growing the crops that are used to make illegal drugs. Unfortunately, since these operations are not secret, and as it has been previously described, this kind of government intervention only serves in increasing the demand for these substances. How can the government lower the supply of drugs without raising the demand? Enter the world of covert ops. All the government has to do is say that it will end it’s destruction of drug producing crops, then turn around and destroy them secretly. With all the money that is being pumped into agencies like the CIA and the ATF, setting a large field of marijuana on fire and making it look like a complete accident shouldn’t be a problem. Hell, if you give me, I’d say $30,000, I’ll do it for them. That would be sweet, getting paid to burn things…
If the government truly wishes to end the market for illegal substances, then it needs to face reality. As long as there are humans, there will always be a market for drugs. However, if it makes drugs legal while stressing their dangers, and continues to engage in the destruction of crops, but covertly, then the market for drugs will decline. With a smaller market, it is hopeful that we will live in a better society. Now if you’ll excuse me, my nature compels me to go play videogames. Preferably one that lets me set things on fire.

Charles Tobin is a syndicated essayist who’s writings appear locally on his computer (worldwide if you’re a hacker), and is the author of such books as “And Mom said South Park Wood Rotte mie Brane” and “A Pyromaniac’s Guide to Being a Shadow Government Pawn”.

By the way, does anyone know how to do that thing where you put something like "read more" and the rest of the post under that is hidden on the general blog and you have to click on "read more" to show the whole thing. Anyone reading this know how to do that?

Update:
Welcome Bad Example readers!

Momma's Day

2006-05-15T05:11:00.000-07:00

Well, yesterday was Mother's Day, and was it ever fun. For her gift, I got my mom the first season of Malcolm in the Middle and That 70's Show, which are the only things she'll watch these days. Let me tell you something: There is little better in life than just sitting on a couch with your mom (and little sister) watching some of the best shows out there...While eating those little ice cream things that are either vanilla, cherry, or chocolate ice cream covered in a hard chocolate shell. Man those things are good...

Sadly, I didn't take her out to dinner, mainly because I had to overnight the DVDs from Amazon and that costed me over $70.00, but the main reason is because my grandma decided that everyone would celebrate Mother's Day on Monday so as to beat the thousands of people trying to get into the restaurant. And which restaurant does grandma want to take us to? *Sigh* Old Country Buffet. I don't know why I don't like that place. For an all-you-can-eat buffet, the food it's got is pretty good. Yet, whenever I go there, I feel like a complete redneck.

I mean, you people have seen comedians (like Larry the Cable Guy) who poke fun at buffet restaurants, and the thing is, they're pretty much right about them. The only people that I see go there are the morbidly obese people, morbidly old people (might be why grandma wants to go there, but she's the kind of person who'll tear you limb from limb if you refer to her as old), and morbidly hick people (guess that explains why my uncle Mike will be going, but I shouldn't be mean to him. He's a great guy. He even reads manga (WHICH IS WHAT YOU DORKS SHOULD BE DOING NOW!)).

My mom's dreading going there, mainly because she thinks that everyone there will turn to her and start chanting, "One of us...One of us...". I feel kinda bad for her. Oh well. Soon, I'll be out of high school, and then I'll have enough time to get a job that pays actual money. Then she'll never have to worry about that again.

P.S. Does anyone else notice that I took a post about Mother's Day and turned it into a long-ass discussion of Old Country Buffet? Taking one topic and deviating from it is somewhat of a specialty of mine. It's right up there with my shooting abilities.

GET HELLSING ALREADY!

2006-05-09T18:23:00.000-07:00

Well, it appears that you people STILL haven't gotten Hellsing yet. Sheesh, it's just a comic book that's written to read from right to left, people. What, are you afraid that you'll look like a dork? If that's the case, then I've got news for you: YOU ALREADY ARE A DORK! NOW READ COMICS BACKWARDS LIKE ONE!

Wait...where have I been?

2006-05-07T14:31:00.000-07:00

After I posted that last post, it just occured to me that I haven't blogged in over a week. Wow. That's a long time. Maybe I should explain just what I've been up to all this time:

--My little sister got Kingdom Hearts 2, which is a really fun game. I mean, who could guess that a combination of the Final Fantasy games with Disney characters (no kidding. Donald and Goofy are your two allies) would be one of the best RPGs that I've ever played?

--I got a copy of Hellsing volume 7. Just out of curiosity, how many of you out there decided to try it out and get the first volume? I know you got a copy, Cat, the main people I'm asking are Harvey and the other members of the "family" who read me.

--The AP exams. For those of you who don't know, they are these super difficult tests that you can take to encourage colleges to accept you. They're so hard, in fact, that you have to take classes to prep you for them. I finished the French one (look, their government sucks, but leave them alone, okay?), and that went fairly well. Next up is this Thursday, when I have to take the Macro and Micro Economics exams.

--Yard work. Yep, it's that time of year again, when everyone goes outside and takes care of the crap that was buried underneath the snow for the past 4-5 months. Sheesh, I thought I raked all that stuff up back in October!

So there's my past week. Doesn't it sound like fun? Well, the first two were a blast, and my Economics teacher is freaking awsome. How awsome? The guy plays World of Warcraft, and teaches the laws of supply and demand using the prices he had to pay for his PS2 and all the games for it. In my books, any teacher that plays video and computer games and works them into classwork is awsome. Plus, he gave me an A for my research paper on the illegal drug market where all I did was talk about setting things on fire.

An old what-now?

2006-05-07T14:19:00.000-07:00

I've been called a lot of things in my 19 some years alive. Jerk. Ass-hole. Loser. Anarchist. Sadist. Warmonger. Chickenhawk. Evil capitalist pig. Evil capitalist dog. Monster. Bub. Timothy McVeigh. However, in Kim's roundup of the people who entered his Crossing America contest, I got called something that I'd never heard before:

-- And two old curmudgeons, who are men after my own heart, picked the venerable Webley Mk. VI and Mauser C96 respectively. (Hey, if they were good enough to dispatch fuzzy-wuzzies from the Empire back in the 19th century...)

Now, if you all remember correctly, the "old curmudgeon" that chose the Mauser C96 was me. Of course, considering that he said "who are men after my own heart", I guess that "curmudgeon" is some sort of compliment.
If anyone of you people know me, I used to use the screen name "Gunlord" before I switched it to "ssj2gunslinger". The main reason I changed it was because I had gone to Kim's site and decided that he was the only person fit to have the nickname "Gunlord", so, out of courtesy, I dropped it. To receive a compliment from him is definitely one of the high points of the month.

Crossing over with Kim du Toit

2006-04-27T15:28:00.000-07:00

Kim from the blog The Other Side of Kim, he's holding a contest called Crossing America II. Now, I'm always up for a good challenge, so I filled out my little list and sent it off to him. Here's what I chose and why:

Handgun: C96 Mauser
Why: Well, for one thing, this is my favorite handgun (next to the classic
Colt SAA), and I believe that if you like the gun that you're using, then you'll
feel more comfortable with it, and I believe that comfort is very important when
handling a firearm. As for technical reasons, the Mauser is an extremely durable
gun, and if I'm having to travel, I want a gun that'll stick with me the whole
way. Also, there's the ammo. Like you said when you reported on this weapon, the
Mauser fires a fairly small 7.63 mm/ .30 Mauser rounds. Because of their small
size, they'll be light and easy to carry. Now, one of the downsides to having
small ammo is the fact that it doesn't pack that much power. However, there
wasn't that much in the way of body armor back then, and because of a lack of
medical abilities, people rarely survived a gunshot wound. In other words, as
long as I hit my enemy, there shouldn't be any problem.

Long Rifle: M1 .30-.30 Plainfield Carbine
Why: This rifle, is my absolute favorite rifle. Lightweight, low kickback,
moderate durability, and it's horrifyingly accurate. Now, I don't know if it was
the rifle, or I'm just a really good shot, but I've been able to hit 7 out of 13
rounds on a target 300 feet away. That's right. 300. One three, two zeros. Oh,
did I mention that I don't have a scope, and only used that little piece of metal on the end of the barrel (I will be honest, though, my grouping for it was in the 6 inch-plus range)? I haven't used that many rifles (I'm more of a handgunner), so I don't know if most people would agree with me. However, there's no denying that if I've got my carbine, nothing would stand in my way.

Knife 1: Classic Swiss Army
Why: There is no way I need to explain this to anyone.

Knife 2: None
Why: Like some people said in the last challenge, I think that an axe would
handle most of my larger cutting needs. Instead, I want to bring along either a
gun-cleaning kit, or a manual on how to fix a broken gun. As you said before,
Murphy's Law states that there is a chance that my guns could either get stolen
or break, which, since I did not choose two guns of the same calibur, would put
me at a major disadvantage. I won't have any defense if one of my guns gets
stolen, but at least I'll be okay if they break.

Yeah, it's a pretty unusual list, but I'm a pretty unusual guy. If anyone else would like to take the challenge, go ahead and give it a try.

So...pissed off...

2006-04-27T07:49:00.000-07:00

There was a new episode of South Park on last night. I wanted to see that new episode of South Park. I did not see the new episode of South Park because my 8-year old sister caught me watching the previous episode that was on (the Mormon one), and so she had a fit since she doesn't consider me to be an adult, causing her to have a total breakdown, causing my mother's blood pressure to rise, causing her to fight, causing my sister to say that I did not immediately change the channel when she came down and saw me watching South Park (for the record, the Mormon episode is very tame, and I didn't see the harm in her seeing a guy claim to read golden plates out of a hat), causing my mom to tell me that I can't watch South Park.
Please excuse me for a moment. I'm going to go play some Chrono Trigger. That usually calms me down.

Let it Snow, let it Snow, let it Snow...

2006-04-27T07:40:00.000-07:00

As I'm sure you're all aware, that guy from FOX News Tony Snow got chosen to be the new Press Secretary. I was going to do a happy dance, but then I remembered that I don't know how to do that.
To be honest, I'm a little surprised that Dubya chose someone that people actually know, instead of an unknown like just about every other person he's nominated for something. Plus, Snow's someone who the press are familiar with, so that's another weird thing. Finally, there's the fact that he's from FOX, which pretty much everyone in the media (except FOX) hates. I can just see the questions...

Helen: Mr. Snow, since it doesn't snow in the Middle East, are you just being nominated because Mr. Bush hates Iraqi babies?

Yeah, so, when are the White House press conferences on C-SPAN? I think I'm gonna watch it.

Educational priorities

2006-04-25T15:10:00.000-07:00

So I was checking my mail a while ago, when I got this message from my school.

PARENT FORUM: Your Teen & MySpace MySpace is currently one of the most popular on-line social networking services, especially among today's teens. Reporting over 50 million members, it has become the hottest site for people to share informationand interact with each other.
You are invited to an informational forum about the impact and dangers of these types of internet services. Speakers include Attorney GeneralMike Hatch, members of his staff, and an Eden Prairie couple who willshare their experience dealing with MySpace and the impact it had on their family.
Date: Monday, May 1
Time: 7:00 P.M.
Valley View Middle School Auditorium
Co-sponsored by: Edina High School Parent Council and Valley View PTSO
Everyone is welcome! This event is free and open to the public.

Just in case you aren't familiar with MySpace, allow me to give you a little rundown. It's a website where you can put up a bunch of crap about yourself. You can put up pictures, post little internet surveys that you took, and even share your results from those joke quizzes you can take on sites like quizzilla and blogthings. It even has a basic blogging function. Oh, and you can use their service (which is free) to send and receive messages from your friends who also have accounts. You can even get songs to put on your site from the accounts of the artists themselves (I even got on my account (yes, I have an account. Shut up) an as-of-this-moment unreleased song by one of my favorite bands, Disturbed.)

Recently, however, MySpace has been mentioned in the news quite a bit. Why? Well, in the words of that mythical voice from Field of Dreams, "If you build it, they will come." And by them, I mean pedophiles, rapists, child murderers, and other things that would be really fun to shoot. As you can guess, some people have been taken advantage of because they got fooled by people who wanted to hurt them.

You may be asking yourself why I'm even bothering with something lame like this. It's just a bunch of concerned parents, who, as a result of their over-protective nature, are going to make for some funny C-Span moments. Well, last week on Thursday was, as I was told, National Pot Smoking Day, or something like that. Half of the student body was gone, and the ones that returned later in the day were stoned out of their minds. In my Mass Media class, the teacher called on one of these students to read the instructions for a group activity out loud. Her (the student's) response? "Uh...eh...I don't know...how to read out loud. It's like talking...and reading... but at the same time, and that's impossible."

Look, I am going to tell you something right now about Edina High School. We have a severe illegal drug problem. Now, for the record, I want to state that, as a libertarian conservative, I think that we would be much better off if drugs were made legal, but that's a debate for another time.

So, what is my school going to do? Why, talk about some website on the internet where there's a, I'd say, .001% chance that the students might meet and be hurt by a malevolent person. THE KIDS WERE COMING TO SCHOOL, A PUBLIC PLACE, FRIED BEYOND COMPREHENSION! I don't know about you, but for some reason, I have a feeling that the Edina PTA needs to get it's priorities straight.

Money...

2006-04-23T10:29:00.000-07:00

Checked my e-mail, and saw a message by something called AdSense. According to it, I put advertisements on my blog, and I get money based on how many people buy stuff after they click on the links. Now, I know that they'll probably only pay me one penny after the 100th click, but still, money is money.
My only question is, should I do it? What do you people think?

A plot with Nazi vampires...that doesn't suck

2006-04-23T06:10:00.000-07:00

So, I don't think I've told you all this, but I'm one of those people that's really into things from Japan. I guess it all started when I was one or two, and my dad let me watch Godzilla. That was such an awsome movie, but it's not why I'm posting.
The reason I'm here at this moment is because I have been reading a japanese comic (called "manga") and I find it really good. The title of the series is called Hellsing and it's really cool. In case the title of the post tipped you off, yes, the main focus of the story revolves around a bunch of Nazi vampires that have been hiding in South America since the end of WWII for the past 55 years, and have now decided to attack London. Now, I know that that, next to any movie created by the Sci-Fi Channel, has got to be the worst plot idea of all time. However, for some reason, it actually works out very nicely. I don't know why, but it does.
If anyone of you has any interest in reading something in your spare time, I suggest that you pick up a few issues and give it a try. You'll be pleasantly surprised.

Those nutty dictators

2006-04-23T05:48:00.000-07:00

For some strange reason, I was thinking about evil dictators and tyrants, when I noticed something about them. Whenever you see pictures of Iraq (pre-invasion), Iran, Russia (when Stalin was in control), North Korea, Cuba, China, and just about any country in Africa, you see hundreds of giant pictures and statues of the dictators that are in control. Now, I have no problem with this, since I really do not care. However, I just realized something weird. In that list of countries, did you notice that I didn't say Nazi Germany? That's right. There were no gigantic pictures or statues of Hitler anywhere. Sure, there were swastikas, but that was the national symbol, and that happens in every country. Now, I know that as soon as Hitler took control, Germany was thrown into WWII, and they had much more pressing things to take care of at the moment, but I don't buy that.

So can anyone tell me why Hitler didn't act as self-engrossed as the rest of the evil world?

And yes, I really have nothing better to do than ponder this question.

About me.

2006-04-20T17:57:00.000-07:00

Alright, so now I'm supposed to do some sort of introduction. Well, my name's Charlie. I don't care what you call me. Charlie, Charles, Chas, Carlos. But never, EVER call me Chuckie, or I will gouge your eyes out with pocky. I'll do it too. I'm Irish.
"But why blog?" You ask. That, I'm afraid, is a long story. A story that involves hours of reading, laughing, commenting, trolling, moonbats, pirates, lasers, Colt SAAs, and a kid who has WAY too much M&Ms memerobilia. Oh, and this other guy who wants to nuke the moon.
Okay, I'm done. Just wanted to say hi to you people. Whoever you are.

The post

2006-04-20T17:50:00.000-07:00

Wow. I can't believe that I'm actually writing a blog. Now, I've been told to make this some sort of sucky post, but I didn't get to where I am today by doing what people tell me. Well, I don't know EXACTLY where I am today, but I've always been a jerk, so there. So, how do I make the funny? I KNOW!
...Wait, no I don't. Umm....POCKY!